Today is March 10, and is the birthday of Chuck Norris. I was working on this post and decided to post it today in honor of Chuck Norris. I hope everyone understands that I have a great deal of respect for him and print this as such. Happy Birthday Mr. Norris, Thank you for years of inspiration and entertainment
If you have been surfing the net over the last few years, you might have come across something referred to as Chuck Norris-isms. For those of you that don’t know, these are humorous saying poking fun at the fearless, bad ass, unbeatable image of Martial Artist, Author and Actor Chuck Norris. Before we move on, let me say that I grew up watching Chuck Norris and I am a fan. I list these in good fun and with the utmost respect. I have even seen an interview where he stats one of his favorite Chuck Norris-ism is “ When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down” and that is from the man himself. This is in no way an exhaustive list as there are hundreds of these sayings, nor are these in any particular order, but here are some of my favorites I have found and I thought you might get a kick out of them. Here are 25 Chuck Norris-isms.
25. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
24. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
23. Chuck Norris never wears a motorcycle helmet. The concrete always scoots out of the way.
22. Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting… because he’s not acting.
21. Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
20. When Chuck Norris stares into a mirror, even his reflection knows better than to stare back.
19. Chuck Norris spends hours staring directly into the sun. We call that "night".
18. There is no such thing as a tornado, Chuck Norris just really hates trailer parks.
17. Bigfoot didn’t believe in Chuck Norris. That was his first mistake.
16. When a germ or infection enters Chuck Norris’ bloodstream, his white blood cells simply stare at it, and it leaves.
15. Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
14. In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
13. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
12. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
11. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down
10. Chuck Norris is not afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
9. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
8. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
7. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
6. Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
5. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
4. Chuck Norris has been dead for years. Death is afraid to come get him.
3. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
2. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. It’s descendents are known as Giraffes.
And the number one Chuck Norris-ism…
1. Chuck Norris can delete the recycle bin.






